“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”
― Allen Saunders
We may all be feeling a bit like Allen Saunders’ quote, that COVID happened to all of us in one way or another. The life we are living is not what we expected even a few weeks ago. And then Sunday night severe storms tore through the South, including a tornado touching down in Chattanooga in a neighborhood where some of my office staff live. I was relieved and grateful that inspite of challenges they are all physically safe. Today was a somber day. Life does happen!
As with a few posts last week, I invited my students to share their thoughts about these changing and challenging times. You may have read this one, A Med Student’s Act of Service. I am touched and proud to share this second post by Chelsea Ross Miller, a third-year medical student.
Best-Laid Plans
I think I am addicted to crossing things off my to-do list. I am pretty sure the fervor with which I scribble out checklists sends a dopamine kick soaring from my nucleus accumbens to my prefrontal cortex. I am a master at fitting an exceptional amount of life into a day.
I attribute much of my success in life to my ability to plan and schedule. Weekly, I maintain my medical school studies, work part time, sing in the choir at church, exercise, cook for myself, maintain a house, take care of my dog, continue to nurture personal relationships, practice my four instruments, conduct my own research project, volunteer, hold leadership positions at school, and sleep.
Unsurprisingly, I also have a well-documented year-long plan. I recognize reading that description might give many people anxiety. However, for me, a plan is a source of comfort. A schedule means peace of mind. So, when life and a global pandemic put an end to my best laid plans, fear erupted.
I panicked. And in doing so, tried to alleviate that emotion by finding comfort in re-scheduling my year-long plan. With the unknown nature of much of this pandemic, changes from the medical school were coming out each day. With each change I would make a new plan. I made at least 10 plans. I finally thought I had a plan for the year with school that would allow me to fit everything in that I need and not lose out on much.
Then new news broke of school’s expectations on Tuesday, and I had a meltdown. My latest plan was not going to work. I cried. I cried like I haven’t in a long time. I couldn’t keep making plans for my future. The false hope and let down each time was becoming too much for me. I was going to have to not plan for a while and let life sort itself out.
Not feeling in control of my future is a very scary place for me. As much as I know I don’t control my future, I hang onto some belief that I manifest my future by having these plans. I needed to stop.
So here I am, a week later. I have empty days in my planner. Only one measly scribbled out to-do from Sunday. A stark contrast to the week before. I have stared out the window and listened to music more than I have studied today. I believe this is okay. I have no idea what I will be doing come June.
I have accepted more will change in the coming weeks, and I will need to ride the waves of it all. I am no less successful or less worthy because I didn’t squeeze every ounce of life out of every second of my day. The future will come, life will happen, regardless of what I have crossed out in my planner.
—Chelsea Ross Miller, M3 UTHSC
“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”
― Allen Saunders
#REFLECT: What gives you courage to let go of planning and let life unfold?
I can so relate to Chelsea...so we'll written. Planning has always been a big part of my life, whether in my career, or at home. Doctors appointments, made...cancelled...rescheduled...cancelled...rescheduled...waiting to see. Activities scheduled...cancelled, hotel reservations made through July...waiting...best laid plans...but all in God's hands.
Planning is important but also full faith in God is required... As only He knows what is best for us...