Last week I was on a Zoom meeting with people from many states. We started the meeting with our usual check-in when one of the members from California shared, “I don’t know which mask to wear when I leave home—do I wear the COVID-19 mask or the smoke prevention mask?”
While that statement was shared with a chuckle at the end it continues to replay in my mind. The COVID-19 pandemic has now required physical masks to be part of our daily attire. That’s me in the photo, back in July.
The dictionary defines a mask as a covering for all or part of the face which is worn as a disguise. The definition goes on to say that it can be used to amuse or terrify people.
Below the required cloth or any of the other material masks we are required to wear today, what is our mask really covering? What are the different masks we wear? Why do we wear these emotional masks? Should we? Is wearing an emotional mask required for survival? These are my thoughts that seek answers.
As I reflected on these questions and similar ones, I realized and was reminded of the various masks that I wear both consciously and subconsciously.
The masks I wear most often are emotional masks which I put on subconsciously. They are based on my assumptions, my experiences, real or perceived, my fears my expectations and more importantly my courage or lack of it.
So much of how we show up in the world is defined by the mirror held up for us by others. It is difficult discerning whether this mirror image is real or an illusion, is right or wrong. It really takes lived life experiences, both the pleasant and unpleasant ones, coupled with honest intentional unpacking and reflecting to understand.
To be truly authentic, to show up as who we are inside and feel safe doing so, requires confidence with humility. It takes tremendous courage and requires a lot of risk-taking.
Given this pandemic it definitely looks like we need a “physical” mask for protection of our own physical health and that of others. However I am speaking about the “non-physical” masks, my emotional ones, the ones I project to others.
More often than not, there’s a lot at stake if I don’t wear my emotional mask, at least that is what my mind tells me and I go down the spiral of thoughts like,
What if I showed up as I am truly feeling and express my honest views that do not resonant with the majority, what would I lose?
What impression will I make? Would I be viewed as defiant, a troublemaker, arrogant? Would I be “found out”, ah the imposter again!
Would the impression others have of me be lessened?
Would being me hurt or harm someone or damage my relationships?
But if I don’t be authentic, am I not a hypocrite, what about my integrity? Am I not projecting a false version of myself in order to hide my true feelings?
Isn’t there a benefit in being true to who we are and how we feel rather than hiding these feelings?
Belonging Beyond the Masks
I return to one of my favorite words Belonging! This “belonging” is felt by me, all of me, my mind, my heart, my gut, my whole being! Feeling like I belong makes me feel held with care, warmth, forgiveness and acceptance.
Belonging is a longing, and when we belong, our masks shed themselves just as easily as they were donned. We see each other for the true beings we are without each other’s masks!
Belonging is not a given, it is an active process and requires a mindset. I truly believe that to receive belonging, I have to offer belonging to all. And acquiring and maintaining the needed mindset is a journey. It requires that I believe in myself, I am true to my values of care for each creation, my abilities, my ethics, my God given gifts and my honest true intent to use these to help others.
Belonging is a basic human need; it transcends every man-made divide. Belonging needs nurturing, a nurturing which is heartfelt and for a greater good, a nurturing of others and self. Giving back is a basic essence of life.
I need to believe in the need for care, kindness and forgiveness to others and myself.
I need to believe that I am worthy of belonging. This requires me to empower myself and seek accurate knowledge and understanding, to take risks and encourage others and myself.
I need to take pause to listen, listen to my own spoken and silent voice, listen to others not to fix or advice, but to listen with empathy to understand.
I need to be open to ideas and opinions. To welcome opportunities with an open mind before making decisions. To keep the faith that, when one door closes another will open.
I need to be nice to all, irrespective of whether we agree or not, whether our views are resonant. Being nice allows me to dissociate the actions and words from the person.
I need to always offer gratitude, gratitude for all things! More importantly, I need to offer gratitude with unconditional surrender to our Creator!
Receiving belonging and offering belonging allows us and who we are with to shed our masks, giving us courage to put our vulnerability on the line. Belonging builds compassionate communities and relationships that we each need to realize that we are indeed enough as we are!
“In a world where everyone wears a mask, it’s a privilege to see a soul.”
—Unknown#REFLECT: What “mask” are you wearing today? How might you invite your soul—and others—to feel a sense of belonging?
How is the coronavirus and civil unrest around racism changing the way you think of self-care, community and resilience? As this challenging time unfolds, I am posting a quote on this blog with a reflection prompt. Please join in the conversation here or on Twitter with your thoughts or what you are doing for self-care and care of others. My book explores such ideas too: Resilient Threads: Weaving Joy and Meaning into Well-Being.
Mask is a great subject to reflect upon in present day context.
A mask is a disguise to ‘Hide the Reality’. it therefore is always an illusion rather than the reality. Masks are either physical or emotional.
There are three primary functions of physical masks: to protect, to conceal or to mimic.
Out of these three, only the first one is honest, genuine, and sincere. Here, the mask is used as a cover to protect against external forces that can harm the sensory apparatus, the skin, eyes, nose and mouth, and through them the rest of the bodily systems.
The purpose of the other two functions is just the opposite of the first one, that is to hide the reality by creating an illusion. The purpose may be constructive like to entertain or destructive like to terrorize.
To wear a mask is an acquired necessity in life. It starts from the moment after birth when one is able to respond. I recall the face of a baby who was smiling at my gestures and started pouting and crying as soon another face appeared. It was a sight to see, the same face trying to smile and cry at the same time, just like when bright sunshine and sudden rainfall occur together. These essential sensual masks are made up of our expressions and are influenced by our emotions. These are spontaneous and sincere to start with, but as we grow, artificiality enters, and we learn to use them for our advantage. This is a natural and universal development and there is nothing wrong about it. Many put up faces as needed while others carry a masked face all their lives.
As is rightly said in the quote, everybody wears a mask of some kind or the other. It is neither desirable nor essential to bare one’s soul. As a matter of fact, your soul should be bared to the Creator, the deity of your worship, or paradoxically only to yourself. As the saying goes, one should always be true to oneself. It is indeed a privilege to be able to see one’s own soul. It is better to look within rather than to attempt to peep in other’s souls. Leave others with their masks, it is their privilege. Let us take them on their face value, whatever mask they may be wearing.
To answer the question of the prompt therefore, the mask I wear varies with the time, place, people, and the context. It can change from moment to moment as per necessity. Most of the time it is the subconscious expression of my emotions that appear like masks. At times I have to wear masks deliberately to suppress or hide my emotions as per the needs of the occasion. Everyone knows how at times one is required to control one’s emotions; keep smiling when the heart is crying. It requires a strong willpower not to let the tears flow publicly and once alone, to let go of the mask and cry uncontrollably. It has happened to me.
Like the emotional masks, belonging also is the necessity of life. The reality is that I am what I am, but my identity is because of my belonging. I need this to be part of the world, to live my life in this world. Belonging starts from the moment of birth and lasts all the way in the journey of life. We are born alive to belong.
Belonging gives meaning to life. It provides the path to follow with duties and responsibilities, I.e. the path to practice Karma Yoga in life. Belonging provides the attachments so that we may experience them, enjoy them, and eventually appreciate their futility as mere illusions or Maya. Finally, with the practice of detachment from worldly attachments, one can focus on the real Reality to which one shall finally belong.
This is the inevitable circle of life, with emotions, masks, illusions, attachments, detachment, and eventual enlightenment for the blessed ones.
One comes in this world without mask and leaves the world with no masks. In between, life is a series of belongings, offering as well as receiving them.
To mask or not to mask .....
The illusion or the reality ......