The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.— Jellaludin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks
Have you ever felt that you have so much to be done and you have the time but you just cannot focus, your head is in a funk? You go through the motions but you don’t feel a connection with what you do?
This has been my state of mind for about almost a week! It does not feel good, it feels exhausting and overpowering and really scary. It is energy depleting. If I have to draw up a checklist of the objective work that I have “done”, I have completed all the needed tasks. I have satisfied all my roles, however it feels like I’ve only gone through the motions. I have not felt energized, felt fulfilled, felt joy on the inside!
I finally decided that I needed to really think about would make me feel connected, what would make things better? What was “it” that I was missing?
That was not easy, the reasons for this are many: worries, tensions, and of course the external environment with the two pandemics of COVID and racism in the forefront. After spending the past two days being intentional about trying to understand what would it take to feel that connection again, the best solace came from the permission from me to myself. I just needed to be!!!
I did not need to fix the problem of not focusing. It would happen when it was meant to happen. I just needed to be, and share with myself what I was doing each time. Giving myself that permission felt relieving indeed. This is going to sound silly, but yes, telling myself:
I am washing my hands.
I am drinking a sip of coffee.
I am typing an email to my children.
I am sad at the increase in COVID cases in Chattanooga.
I am frustrated that people are still resisting wearing a mask.
I am so happy it rained.
I am angry that I had no self-control and ate the whole bagel.
I am writing this blog now...
I just kept doing and sharing the doing with me.
You know, I found myself thinking less about my lack of focus. I actually found myself smiling and am doing so as I write this.
Living in the present moment is hard. It is difficult to define but it is definitely palpable when you do.
Living in the moment starts with being present with yourself, being kind to you with all your emotions, and realizing you do not have to be “doing” all the time! A funk is OK!
#REFLECT: What can you give yourself permission to be and to feel this week? What can you let go of doing?
How is the coronavirus and civil unrest around racism changing the way you think of self-care, community and resilience? As this challenging time unfolds, I am posting a quote on this blog with a reflection prompt. Please join in the conversation here or on Twitter with your thoughts or about what you are doing for self-care and care of others. My book explores such ideas too: Resilient Threads: Weaving Joy and Meaning into Well-Being.
Being unfocused seems to be my life these days. When you are retired it takes more discipline to accomplish things than when I was working. Some days I think how in the world did I work full time, keep my home clean, cook meals, have a social life and survive? Just typing all that made me tired. Now, every morning I try to note the things I want to accomplish during the day...at the end of the day, if I've completed my tasks it makes me feel like I've really done well.
I'm reminded of something...when I was working, there were certain things that I hated doing. Fortunately, I worked for a kind person who trusted that I would do what I needed to do. So, given that, the things that I HATED to do are the things that I did FIRST. I also remember days when I felt unfocused ...even overwhelmed, just by the paperwork on my desk. On those days, I made a pile, no order, just stacked it up into one pile. Then, I started to plow through it until the work was done.
So, these days it is very easy to become unfocused, to allow the concerns about the future to bog me down. Then, I remember the words of a dear friend, "happy thoughts". And, take one thing at a time today, trying not to focus on tomorrow...tomorrow will take care of itself.
Reflection
This quote, like some of the few recent ones by the author, so vividly describes the effects of present crisis of the pandemics, both the negative as well as the positive, on the state of mind of most human beings. No one has escaped, everyone is reeling under the effects.
The negative effect is that the pandemics have thrown everything that was considered as normal by the individuals and the society into chaos, turmoil, and turbulence, be it communications, economics, education, health, politics, or governance. The effects will be long lasting, changing the lifestyle forever, hopefully for good.
The positive effect is that it has created a kind of churning of the minds and prevailing systems. Believers in mythology may recall the great churning of the oceans after the great deluge which brought out the most precious gifts that were hidden from humanity for so long. In Indian mythology it is described as Samudra-Manthan.
Even the scientific evidence demonstrates that a state of chaos and turbulence is essential for sifting the essentials from non-essentials, desirables from non-desirables and eventually establishing the equilibrium for a long time to come for the environment of our planet as well as in the universe at large.
With this preamble, I can now address the questions posed in this blog.
It is not only natural and normal but is essential occasionally to be you, what you really are, without being influenced by your pretenses and other’s concerns. It is difficult and rare to be oneself, but it is also essential once in a while to let go of your feelings and emotions. Becoming unfocussed is a pause that you must give yourself to rejuvenate your mind, to recharge your batteries and go back to the drawing board to start all over again with fresh thoughts, vigor, and enthusiasm. It prevents you from becoming stagnant and stale.
Philosophers call this the state of completely relaxed, unfocussed mind, when you give yourself permission to unwind and let go of everything else, as the state of meditation and its advanced state as samadhi.
Scientists have demonstrated by recording the functional imaging of the brain that it is never at a standstill. There are always waves which vary in amplitude and magnitude depending on the state of mind. By letting go of everything else as in meditation, your mind gets into the state of complete calm and serenity and the brain waves become lowest in amplitude and farthest from each other.
It is essential to resort to this mental state as part of our daily routine to remain optimal in our thoughts and actions of daily life.
We all live in the present moment, unknowingly but willingly. Past is gone, future is unknown. It is these present moments that are always on move, never stationary, so long as we are alive.
Right now, I am reading a quote that is posted on the wall right in front of me. It reads,
‘Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away’.
There should be moments in life that take our breath away, irrespective of whether they are positive or negative in perception.
We look with the feeling of awe when blessings are materialized and when miracles happen. We look with the feelings of dejection and depression when failures and frustrations encircle us. These are the moments when we hold our breath, when they take our breath away. These are the moments that create our significant memories; all the rest are a matter of routine and their significance is easily forgotten. It is in these moments that we should let ourselves go, when it is quite OK to be in a funk
It is important that we cherish these moments. It is also important that we intentionally create these moments of introspection, relaxation, of letting go and be in a funk, hopefully occasionally, rarely, and temporarily.
Our human mind is indeed a guesthouse as Rumi says. Before we can check in and welcome the desirable guests, it is essential that we make space for them by checking out and discarding the undesirable occupants of our minds. To achieve this, it is important that once in a while we drop the masks, shed all the pretenses, shut off everything extraneous, and simply be ourselves, look within, live these moments of bliss and ecstasy, and be grateful for them.